THE GIFT OF OLD AGE

Self-reflection through art: 

The gift of old age....

In this painting of an old man, I was exploring the use of acrylic paint to create the appearance and particularly the chiaroscuro effect in an ‘old master’. I was not disappointed with the outcome; it is as they say, what it says it is.

Acrylic paints, certainly the way that I have always used them, as less giving than oils. They can have a harshness and lack of translucency and of course, they dry quicker.  The last part, which causes problems for many, is the reason I adopted them as my medium of choice. It is possible to use acrylics to complete several layers of a painting in a day.  I used to think that that was a great advantage and in some ways, of course, it is. This painting and its textural appearance would have taken me days to achieve if I was working in oils.

Although this was primarily an exercise in the use of a particular medium, it never-the-less has a story to tell. No painting is without a personal narrative, either ‘built in’ by the artist or superimposed by the viewer. People have asked me if this is an old version of me. Although this was not my intention, it is without doubt, as all paintings are, a kind of self-portrait, a kind of vehicle for expressing something about the human condition.

I was inspired by some of Rembrandt’s portraits, but this went, as often pictures do, in its own direction and assumed a persona that I could not have foreseen. I look at this picture now and in it, I see modest contentment.  Not the gloating of a self-satisfied man, but a time of quiet celebration.

Old age, which as a younger man I believed was an affliction, I now recognise as a gift. Living a long and healthy life is something desirable, but it is not a given. Old age is not to be pitied, rather than to be celebrated. Sure, there is a loss of vitality and youthful exuberance, but in a way that too has to be a welcome development. As we move through life, we are under pressure to create, to make a difference in the world;  if we drive our body hard, as I have, it is a relief to see that some things are no longer on the menu, so to speak.  Walking for hours at a time? Not so appealing. Running a marathon? Just seems like a few miles too far...Feeling tired more easily? Great. Time to read, sit, or reflect on things in a less frenetic way. We see more when we travel on a slow train.

I think that good emotional health involves an acceptance of change; to be precise, change that we cannot control. An accommodation, even a celebration of sorts. It is great not to always be in the driving seat. When we are young, there is huge pressure to feel in control of our ‘destiny’. Many of these things, the drive to change the world, and to provide a better future for our children through our endeavours,  are praiseworthy. After all, we have to live as if we are going to be around for a long time, otherwise, we might as well give up.  I do not want to lose sight of that, or dismiss the importance of feeling eternal, whilst we have the advantage of youth and when we still feel that time is on our side. If we were to dwell on the inevitability of death, we would surely wither away.  Perhaps we need a new paradigm for ageing and passing on; a convincing social shift, not just a religious afterlife, not just something that people of faith can share. Perhaps this is a discussion that will happen as we look at other paintings.

So then,  feeling that we have forever, that life is going to be long and productive is what needs to happen so that we can build and create and leave a legacy for others. What I am saying is, that as we age, we perhaps need to acknowledge a little at the time, that life is time-limited. That we as beings really only have one day at a time.  Yes, we need plans, but we must let go of control.

I do not pretend to have all the answers. In fact, the reason that I am writing this is to help me find some. To help us all find some.

So why is the painting important in terms of self-discovery, self-disclosure, and in terms of creating meaning?

Well, any painting reflects several significant factors back at the artist: Technical skill, inspiration and personal meaning. The viewer picks up on some of those, or not, or if we are lucky, embellishes some of them with personal layers of meaning. This painting says the following to me: I can create this image, after many years of practice, yet the complete sense of achievement and translation of a thought into an image, is still eluding me. The skin tones and textures are adequate, and some might even see them as accomplished. For me, they lack the intentionality and clarity that true masterfulness brings; so I have some way to go.

The man in the picture has led a long and interesting life. He is possibly well-educated, has had a family, and has traveled. Life has not always been easy, and he has had his share of sadness as well as happiness.  Perhaps he is thinking that he could have focused more on happiness during his life, perhaps the bad times need not have taken so much of his free time.  Old age does that for some; it makes them process losses, dwell on past disappointments, and harbour needless pains of things that no longer matter. The man in the picture is beginning to think that maybe he should feel a sense of achievement and pride at a past lived as best as circumstances allowed. A joy in having been there, rather than regret that he was not perfect.

So the painting is autobiographical after all.  I would really like to think that this man is me, twenty years from now (God and the universe and my genetic code willing). This painting is a silent tool, passively reflecting our inner world back at me. You, the viewer, will see something which revolves around your belief system and view of the world, and you within it.  I am acknowledging that a painting sends us signals from our subconscious; signals which we may or may not recognise. Talking about the painting explores this aspect of subconscious reflection and makes us truly think about the messages that we sometimes contain and seldom analyse fully. That is the therapeutic aspect of art. Art criticism which I have always found tiresome is a form of therapeutic intervention. Who would have believed it! Oh, did I mention that old age affords us the opportunity to challenge long-held beliefs and to re-frame our points of reference? Thank God for the time and for being well enough to see old age and really appreciate the insights it brings.

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